What Do You Do When You Don't Know What To Do?

Long title, I know.  Is it a blogging no-no to have a long title?

Anyway.

The best words to describe my life right now-"I don't know."  About two weeks ago, I came to this realization-I am more than a military girlfriend waiting not so patiently to be a military wife.  Being an independent, strong-willed girl, I am surprised it took me this long to see all of the wonderful blessings in my life.  Let me explain.

My soldier and I have been rocking the long distance relationship for almost a year now.  Since he moved to Fayetteville, North Carolina (which is where the Army base-Fort Bragg- is located) I have had what I like to call tunnel vision.  The only thing I could see was my soldier.  Going back and forth with if, how, and when I would be able to move to Fort Bragg to be with him ASAP.  I am not kidding, these thoughts consumed my mind all the time-day and night.  For the majority of October, my soldier has been at Special Forces Assessment and Selection (SFAS).  SFAS is basically a three week tryout to be apart of an elite group within the Army.  I will post about that later though.  During the three weeks, we had no contact and for some reason, the light bulb came on during the third week.

I am my own person. I have my own identity. I am so much more than a body connected to the military.

This realization has left me with a lot of scary thoughts.  Do I actually want to leave my southern roots and head to the east coast?  Do I want to allow the Army to tell me what I can and cannot do or where I can and cannot live?  How am I going to live with my husband being gone on frequent deployments, most with no contact?  How am I going to live this life?  Will I ever accept that this our future as a couple?  All of the questions have the same answer.

I just do not know.  

The only thing I know is that I love him very much.  That's enough to make it through everything, right?

Until Next Time. 

Always. 

      

My First (and hopefully not my last) Ever Blog Post

Well, as I sit here staring at my blank computer screen, typing my very first blog post, ready to spill my heart out to the world about my ups, downs, and all arounds with my letters signed, "Always," I cannot help but be nervous about what will unfold.  What are these letters, you ask?  Where do I begin?

For the past two and a half years, I have been in a relationship with the military.  However, I really only count the past seven months.  In March of 2012, my Army man switched his Army Reserve contract to Active Duty status.  That basically means the Army became his full time job, which basically means the Army became my life.  They have been an interesting seven months to say the very least- filled with laughs, smiles, and true happiness....eh, not so much.  Don't get me wrong, am I happy with my soldier? YES!  But actually, these seven months (212 days, 5,088 hours-not that I am counting!) have consisted of tears, trials, hard work, no contact, and downright loneliness.  During the times where my soldier and I have no contact, and letters are all we have, I sign them, "Always."

There is something romantic, even intimate about a handwritten letter that our technologically-brain washed society has forgotten all about.  It makes me think about the men and women who exchanged letters over the years before phones or computers, in the hopes of word that their husband, boyfriend, or maybe closest friend were returning home from war.  The feeling of opening up the mailbox to see that handwriting you have memorized oh so well-how he connects his h's and his e's to the next letter in the word, where he reassures you everything is going to be okay as long as you never leave his side...Let me just tell you, if you have never received a lovey-dovey handwritten letter, you are missing out.

I am one of the women who is blessed (even if it is in disguise sometimes) to stand beside a man serving in the United States Army.  What a ride it has already been!  I have high hopes this will be a place I can share the highest of highs and even the lowest of lows of a military relationship.  I look forward to walking this journey with all of you out there.

Until Next Time.
Always.